Fluctuation

The first step is Self realization.

Knowing beyond doubt that what I am is
unknowable
effortless
everpresent
untouched by appearances
immediate
never not here
not in the stream of time.

And knowing this experiential
so rock solid
that the idea that it can be lost 
is alien and does not enter.
  
Knowing this is so intrinsically that no matter
what happens, no matter what appears,
one knows this can never be lost.


No matter what thoughts, emotions or states,
no matter what incidents, accidents or disasters. 

And not because I repeat this to myself
or dig up a memory of an awakening experience from the past.

As long as there is fluctuation, 
( the i ve got it, i lost it phase )
as long as This is not established beyond doubt
the penny has not completely dropped,
and there is still some way to go.

A process, a ripening, a need for more clarity,
an unveiling of assumptions,
something still obscuring the clear perception,
a seeing through of beliefs.

However paradoxical this may sound
to the conceptually correct nd mind.

And after that..?
Who will tell? 
There is never an end station....